


Shrek's Bizarre Adventure: Phantom Brogre

by GarbageGrub



Series: "JoJo's" Bruhzarre Adventure [1]
Category: Shrek (Movies), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-24 23:44:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20367079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GarbageGrub/pseuds/GarbageGrub
Summary: This Is a novelization of JoJo's bizarre adventure: Phantom Blood. This is also a novelization of Shrek.





	1. Chapter 1- Prologue

Chapter 1: Prologue   
  
A young maiden struggled on a stone altar. An obsidian dagger glinted above her, plunging down- and she struggled no more. Her blood sprayed across a carved pumpkin worn by here executioner- one that would come to life with that blood. Spikes jutted out and pierced the man’s face, going directly into his brain- yet he was still alive. He had finally obtained- Eternal life!  
  
The crowd gathered around him in the moonlit field cheered, and one man came forward.  
“You! Do you wish to become my life force?” “Yes my lord!”. The exchange ended with his neck being pierced by the now immortal chieftain, and he drained his life force… he could feel his life force, the mask had given him unimaginable powers! As he slammed the body of his now drained subject downwards, cracking the very stone he stood on, the crowd before him raised their right arms up in unison, and chanted: “Chief!” “Chief!” “Chief!”  
  
_12th to 16th century BC: At the center of Mexico, where a powerful tribe dwells! A tribe known for its sacrificial rituals and cannibal traditions. Also known as… The sun people, The Azshreks!_

_ Blessed with the power of the pumpkin block! This tribe dominates the earth! The Pumpkin Block. It had granted them not only power, But eternal life as well! _   


_ However, this tribe had somehow vanished from history, and left countless unknown ruins. Why? What happened to them? What’s the secret surrounding the pumpkin? This story depicts the mysterious pumpkin block from Mexico, and it’s ravelings two youngsters and their bizzare adventures. _  
  
  
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“Charming… did you even hear what I said?” “Charming…” *cough* *cough* *cough* “Come here…! Do you hear me, Charming…?” *cough* *cough* An old fairy lay dying on a bed, her sparkly wings too weak to even flutter. A handsome man with flowing locks and a sexy tush sighed, got up from his chair and slammed shut his copy of _Mother Goose_. “What is it, old lady? You need potions?” “No… No potions… Charming, I need to speak with you.” “I don’t have much time left…” “I am dying…” She shakily held up a letter. “Charming… before I die, I have something for you…” “When I die, go to this address on this letter…” *cough* *cough* “This man owes me, and he will take care of you for the rest of you life…” “He owes me big time!” *cough*  
  
_Yes… It was twelve years ago on a rainy day in 1868. I can never tell charming what happened that day. The cliffs tend to crumble on rainy days and carriages often slip there. I was on my way back to the potion shop with one of my employees, when… _“Ha Ha Ha!” “Look!” “There’s an accident!” _Upon seeing the quality of the overturned carriage, I excitedly flew down the cliff face._ “Hey, I’m not getting involved!” “Idiot, It’s a rich man’s carriage!” …”Woah...Woah!” _the carriage was wrecked, and the coachman was brutally impaled on the spokes of a wheel..._  
“This guy is dead!” _I stated, rather matter-of-factly in hindsight. _“Hey! The lady in the carriage is dead, but her child is still alive!” _My employee informed me._ “Child?! Forget the child!” _I yanked a ring off of the sausage finger of an ugly green man, who clearly needed one of my beauty potions, if those even worked on ogres... _“W… What’re you doing?!” “Stupid, can’t you tell?! A rich man’s woe is a rich fairy’s blessing! Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha!” _I held up the ring triumphantly and_ _studied it._ “Yeah… Right Boss! You’re smart!” “I’m in luck! I’m gonna make a killing!”   
  
_I picked up an important looking briefcase and opened it, only to reveal an unsightly square pumpkin mask. _“What’s this?” “Disgusting mask. There’s no way wearing this would fix your gross face” _Instead, I settled on selling that nasty ogre’s teeth._ “Hey! Help me open his mouth! I’ll sell his teeth to the tooth fairy!” “B- Boss…” _My employees never seemed to see a good business opportunity when it hit them in the face._ “What’s wrong? We’ll take his teeth to the tooth fairy and sell them to children with cavities!”   
  
_Right before I could open his mouth,_ _his hand shot out, and grabbed my arm. Turned out he wasn’t dead. _“Wah!” “Y… You...” “He… He’s still alive!” “Y… You’re…” “You’re taking care of me? Thank you…” “M… My wife…” “My wife and child… are they alright?” _He thinks I was trying to save his life…_ “Everyone is dead… but your child is fine.” _I needed to think quick. _“I wish I could take the place of my wife instead… luckily my child survived.” _A single putrid tear rolled down his eye._ “I’d like to thank you, but it seems that I was robbed of my wallet and ring…” “My family name is Allstar. Thank you for saving my life.” “please tell me your name so I can award your kindness accordingly.”  
  
_Fool…! No harm in telling him my name! _“I am but an the fairest potionmaker in the land. I am the Fairy Godmother, family name Brando.” _Mister Allstar gave me a large sum of money, which didn’t even matter with all the wealth my business had gotten me, especially when it fell under 5 years later after a scandal involving my use of live puppies in my potions. Now I’m on my deathbed. _“Charming, when I die, go to the Allstar swamp!” “You have the brains to become rich once again!”  
  
  
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Charming stood in front of his mother’s grave. It may not have been the most opulent, but it regularly received flowers from those still stupid enough to believe her false truths. The world suffered because of you! You were scum! You want me to be rich? Ha! Your… Inheritance. I’ll accept. I will become rich again! But not for you! Scum-bag!! He spat upon the grave and left.  
  
  
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_ The 19th century! The era of technological advancement and social change! Although famine and poverty still reign, everyone was given a dream… A dream to become rich! This type of gold rush swept through europe like a hurricane! _   
  
Two ruffians ran around an open field, playing a game of keep away with a young girl’s doll. “Give it back! You’ll break her arm!” A young Fiona whined in desperation. Eventually; the two boys stopped and one inquired “Hey Fiona, did that frog of yours buy it for you? Must have cost quite a lot!” The other advised they should “Strip the doll, and see if it looks like a real girl underneath. Fiona started to cry, and one of the ruffians spat out “Ha! Erina the cry-baby!”, only to be interrupted by a mighty ogre roar: “ **Stop it!** Give the doll back to her!”   
  
The one closest to him, in a brown coat, simply asked “Are you Fiona’s friend?” “No! But I won’t let you bully her!” The young ogre checked into the brown-coated goon, and started to wail on him. The bully responded “Saving a damsel in distress, eh? I hate guys like him! Now I’m gonna teach you a lesson!” He slammed his fists down, quickly ending the fight, and called out “Ha! This guy’s useless! This is hilarious! From hero to zero! Hey, you know this loser?” He asked his friend. “He doesn’t look familiar, maybe he’s the only son of the Allstar family! I hate rich smugs! If he’s from the Allstars, I swear I’ll punch his teeth out!”   
  
The young ogre slowly got up, and as is on cue, started to wipe away his blood with an toadskin handkerchief reading “Shrek Allstar”. “Ah! So you are an Allstar!” The Bullies closed in, and started to wail on the ogre. “Dammit, you think you’re great, huh?! Let’s get him!” “You rich kids piss me off! Let’s go!” A startled fiona tried to help Shrek, only for him to slap away her hand. “Forget about me! Go somewhere else! I didn’t get into this fight because I wanted your attention!” “It’s Because I’m going to become a gentleman! Gentlemen don’t just sit around and do nothing when a lady needs help! They must have the courage to help those in need! Even if they are at a disadvantage! Someday I will win!” He limped off to the swamp, leaving his handkerchief behind, which Fiona picked up and read aloud to herself. “Shrek Allstar....” Why? Why did you take out your handkerchief? If it wasn’t for that, you wouldn’t have gotten beaten up! I guess   
  
  
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Shrek arrived at the swamp just soon enough to see a carriage pull up to the front entrance. A suitcase flew out of the door, followed by a blond haired boy jumping out. At first, Shrek was puzzled, but then he quickly realized who this was; his brother. _ Who could that be…? Right! He must be Charming Brando! His mother died, and to repay her for saving father, we took Charming into our family! _ “You’re Charming Brando, Right?” “And you must be Shrek Allstar”; Charming responded in kind. “Everyone here calls me JoJo”, Shrek replied.   
  
Shrek turned to the sound of barking and galloping. “Donkey!” “My donkey’s name is Donkey, and he’s a talking donkey, but he can be a little shy. He’ll get used to you soon!” Charming patiently waited for Donkey to make his way over to him, and then delivered a brutal knee to the side of his head, sending him flying onto the muddy swamp ground. Shrek roared: “ **You! What are you doing?! That’s too much!** ” Charming regained his composure and analyzed the ogre’s actions. _ So, this is the Allstar heir-- the only son, JoJo! I’ll psychologically torture him to the brink. I, Charming, will take his place as the heir to the Allstar estate! _   
  
  
\--------- **To Be Continued** \-->   



	2. Charming the Invader- part 1

Chapter 2: Charming the Invader (Part 1)  
  
Mr. Allstar welcomed Charming to the Allstar household. “You must be tired, Charming! Far Far Away is far away. You’re now part of this family.” “You will live like my son, Shrek.” He gestured to a gathering of servants, who politely bowed. “These are the household servants. You may be left in the house while I work the foreign trade. They will take care of everything for you.” Charming bowed, thanking Mr. Allstar for his kindness. I am truly grateful of the favors of the house of Allstar.” Mr Allstar wrapped his arm around SHrek, simultaneously continuing the conversation and consoling him. “Shrek also lost his mother, and you’re both the same age, so I hope you’ll get along well. Shrek.... You don’t need to worry about Donkey anymore, okay?” Shrek responded the best he could, trying to make amends. “Yes… I’d be surprised if some random donkey came running at me all of the sudden. It’s no big deal.” _I wish he’d apologize… but we’ll have to be friends now that we’re living together!_   
  
Allstar walked up the stairs, looking back at the two brothers. “Come, Charming, I’ll show you to your room.” Charming Brando simply stood and examined a strange blocky pumpkin mounted on the wall, not seeming to notice, but when Shrek tried to reach for his suitcase, his hand shot out with lightning velocity; painfully twisting it. “What are you doing? Don’t go touching my bag!” The young ogre, caught off guard and confused, could only let out an “Eh?”. “I’m telling you not to laws your filthy paws on it, idiot!” “I was going to carry it for you…” Charming, holding Shrek’s wrist even tighter, responded back. “I’ll pass! You have donkey slobber all over your hands! Besides, I’ll have the servants carry my luggage!” Charming threw an elbow right into Shrek’s stomach, causing him to double over. “Now listen up here, Ogre! You better not act high and mighty just because I’m staying in your home! I like being number one, you hear that? I don’t let anyone swagger over me!” “I just… wanted to be friends!” “One more thing! I hate donkeys! They’re filthy vermin who don’t know their place! You better not let that stupid Donkey or whatever anywhere near me!”   
  
Mr. Allstar, oblivious to the altercation, called out for the two. “What are you two doing? Come!” Charming responded, and climbed the stairs, leaving Shrek on the ground floor. Shrek’s previously pleasant life turned very painful.  
  
  
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A leather switch struck down on Shrek’s hand, causing him pain. “You got it wrong again, Shrek!” This is the sixth time! You’ve made the same basic mistake six times! I’ll keep this up until you understand! Look at Charming! He answered all twenty questions correctly!”. Shrek, Allstar and Charming all sat at the dinner table, eating a meal of slug steak. Charming and Allstar had impeccable manners, while Shrek haphazardly shoveled food into his mouth, before being interrupted by the slam of Mr. Allstar’s hand on the table when he knocked a glass of swamp water over. “Do you call yourself a gentleman, Shrek?! Where are your manners!” he called to a servant. “You can carry off shrek’s tableware.” “You will go without dinner! Go to your room! Ever since Charming arrived, I realized I’ve been spoiling you! Look at Charming! His table manners are perfect!”. “Hah! Idiot!”, Charming called out, as Shrek ran off to his bedroom.  
  
  
Shrek lied on his bed, and looked towards the Moon. “...I’m so lonely… Will I die like this? In sorrow, soaked with tears… But I doubt anyone will shed tears over my corpse… Maybe sigh at most..” Shrek turned his gaze upwards, towards and picture of his mother; and then to the remains of a bar of chocolate on his nightstand, which he hungrily and happily devoured.  
  
  
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_Sports! 19th century sports! In a mental state, they are rather different from those of today! Society and schools seek to train in sports rather than academics. It has surpassed mere entertainment, and approaches religion! Thus, in this current age, the rules and techniques of sports are undergoing great development, causing them to grow in refinement! For each and every one of the children on that field, the winner was a hero!__  
__  
_ 3 years had passed. It was a partly cloudy day, and a group of young boys had gathered to box and watch others box. An announcer stood in the center of the ring and introduced the competitors. “Next, we introduce the challenger… Shrek Allstar! And the champion, Mark watkins!”. The champion didn’t get in the ring, but instead whispered something to the announcer. “Everyone! Quiet, everybody!” A new friend has asked to join our game instead of watkins here! We know his looks and name, but nothing about his personality! I believe watching his boxing will be a good way to get to know our new friend, do you agree? Just who is it?! **It’s Charming Brando!**”   
  
The two stood up and faced each other, while the announcer layed down the rules, and held out his hat. “Now that everyone has accepted, Charming, our boxing is no mere child’s game! Are you ready to gamble on your face?”. “Of course I am!”. Charming dropped a handful of shining gold coins into the hat. It was his entire monthly allowance. “What will you do, Shrek? Will you accept this wager?”. SHrek thought for a couple seconds, before accepting. _If I lose, I’ll have no allowance this month! Father will never give me any more… but he wouldn’t give Charming anymore, either! _“Good! Charming… I’ll explain the rules… if you take even one hit on your face, you lose… You can take any number of body hits, but a knockdown is of course a ten count!” Dio understood perfectly, as his day in Far Far Away had taught him how this worked.   
  
  
They rushed to the bout. Shrek led with a right hook, which Charming perfectly dodged. Shrek tried to hit him again and again, but every strike was either dodged or deflected, in a technique similar to the swaying of 20th century boxing. Charming hit Shrek with a gut punch, and then struck his face. The match was over, but not until Charming sadistically hooked his thumb into Shrek’s eye and punched, sending blood spraying. The match was over, Charming winning over the charms of the crowd and Shrek losing his allowance and vision, temporarily.   
  
The crowd gathered around Charming and cheered for him. Being “humble”, he said: "I just knew some defensive boxing techniques… I’d be happy to teach it to all of you… by the way… I have this thing, too...” He pulled some sort of metal firecracker out of his coinpurse and threw it, causing it to explode. “You can catch fish by throwing it into the water, I’ll show you how to make it. But never teach Shrek! That ogre can’t keep a secret!” _Heh heh heh… everybody wants to be friends with somebody who’s strong or can do something! I’ll take a way Shrek’s friends like this… Isolation makes a man hollow! I’ll make him a powerless fool! And eventually, I’ll rob him of everything, and when we grow up, I will even make his fortune as successor of swamp Allstar mine!___  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get around to, if you're reading

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is my first ever fanfiction, so if the writing not up to snuff I'm sorry. you could expect new chapters every 2 - 4 days or so, if I don't forget/have others thing to do/can't for some reason/are too lazy. I hope you enjoy!


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